Fanatic Precision in Baking

Guys. I have a bone to pick. So I’m gunna get picking.

Fanatic Precision in Baking.

Every time I bake - and I mean EVERY TIME (and that’s at least twice a week) I am reminded of a time in Middle School. Lemme tell the story:

I’ve been baking all my life. The I baked my first pie on my own at 8 years old (we have a picture - I made a fucking lattice top), and have been baking since. I have never been super strict with measurement - but always ballpark. Now I know enough about myself to know that my idea of precision looks like other peoples’ idea of militant precision, but I’m being truthful here. 9 times out of 10, if a teaspoon is called for I just eyeball it. Now, I have been baking since forever, so I know what a teaspoon is, but still - I do it by feel. The only times I don’t eyeball is when it’s Baking Powder, Baking Soda, and the corresponding acid, and if it’s a yeast recipe: the small amount of sugar. That’s because BakingPower/Soda:acid and yeast:sugar are actual chemical reactions that require certain amounts to get right (and most importantly, react completely so there are no leftovers of either). Everything else is TOTALLY wingable.

I have believed this since day one. So, that’s 18 years of philosophy.

In 1999, my first year at The Indian Mountain School, I was helping to make Brownie Kits (those things where you put all the dry ingredients together and then all someone needs to add is the oil and eggs) for some fundraising thing at the school. We were measuring them out with cups and knives, making sure there wasn’t an extra grain of sugar, or an over dusting of flour, and I was like: COME ON, IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS. And the Mom who was in charge when off on me. She probably didn’t, but it felt like she took my face off - talking about how important it is in baking to get everything exactly right “it’s not like cooking.” Bitch is right in one respect: baking is not like cooking. In cooking you can taste as you go and alter the flavors. Baking is sort of a one shot deal (but, lady please, taste the fucking dough and you taste the fucking cookie/brownie/cake). Otherwise, it’s not true - and here’s why:

Recipes are, by their nature, imprecise. It is impossible to have a precise recipe.

Why? There are so many variables. Let’s go over the easy ones first:

Ground Elevation

Air Humidity

Temperature

Storage of Ingredients

Freshness of Ingredients

Aeration of Ingredients

Manufacturer of Ingredients

Each and every one of these variables can change the way your recipe turns out drastically. Most of them have to do with ratios of wet ingredients to dry ingredients (which is and of itself deeply flawed, my next point). Have you ever tried to make cookies on a hot day when your butter is above “normal” room temperature and is super soft? No matter what, the cookies are going to come out flatter - even if you refrigerate the dough before baking. It can’t be undone. And the opposite happens in the winter - the cookies will be thicker and cakier. So, if you want to be consistant you have to take all of these factors into consideration every. single. time you use a recipe. That means that your recipe is going to change every day - and that is NOT militant precision, that’s dealing with the fact that life is life and not neat and things are out of your control.

But, the more flawed aspect: Recipes Are Written By Human Beings (And Human Beings Do A Lot Of Things That You Have No Way Of Knowing About).

In all likelihood, the recipe you hold in your hands is a simplified version of whatever the master baker actually threw together. The recipe writer had to make the recipe easily accessible, and that version had to be easily replaceable to the baker at home. So even though they would use 15.5 tablespoons of butter in that cookie recipe, or 2 cups minus 2 tablespoons of sugar, they’re going to round it to make it easier for you to replicate. And this does not even broach the subject of conversion from metric to customary systems, or from weight to volume. What’s the likelihood that all of these are involved in the writing of every recipe? Very low. But there’s probably a little something like this in each. Which means: Every Recipe Should Be Taken With A Grain Of Salt (I couldn’t help myself). Even if you execute it perfectly, grain of sugar to grain of sugar, it’s not going to come out exactly the way it did before: there are just too many factors.

So have some fucking fun. Baking isn’t about military drills, it’s about making something delicious.

A lot of times I’ll bake something as a one off and bring it somewhere and people will ask me where I got the recipe. Most of the time I’ve changed the recipe, but sometimes I don’t have the time and will do a straight-off of what I see on the page (especially if it’s my first time every attempting a particular dish). I’ll tell them where I got it and they’ll say “That’s the recipe I use but it’s never as good as this!” There are three possible reasons for that: 1.) they’re blowing smoke up my ass, 2.) it’s a lot more fun to eat food you didn’t have to make, but 3.) I fucking have a lot of fun making it. And you can actually taste it. I promise.